When the heart is slit open
Love drips like blood
Thick warm drops or red
Trickle down the chest and it’s painful.
It’s as if the air around you turns dense and heavy
Too heavy to carry, It starts to bend you, exhaust you,
But it’s not all in the air, you feel it in your body
There is a vacuum in your gut, in your chest
Trying to swallow you inside out,
It hurts physically, at the back of your eyes
In your throat, in your chest
And somewhere else
Somewhere inside you
Or maybe outside you
But the pain is so real
Yet you can’t point to a part of your body
And say “There, that’s where it hurts.“
The tragedy of it all is
That to the world you look alright,
They have all been through it
Yet they won’t truly understand it
Humans can’t remember pain
We remember what happened,
The injury, the screams, the hospital
Yet we can’t really remember the sensation of pain
It’s a good thing I suppose, but in this case
As the pain crushes your spirits inside
They expect you to stay strong and smile
So you smile.
You hurt and you break and you die
And you Smile.
-N
Photographer Unknown
Poetry © Copyright 2017, Niharika Jaiswal
December 8, 2017 at 6:11 pm
Wow. Speechless. Sometimes being speechless is a good thing. This is definitely one of those ocassions.
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December 9, 2017 at 6:18 am
Thank you Nitesh. That definitly means a lot. 🙂
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December 8, 2017 at 6:22 pm
I love reading your stuff. the emotions are so intense. 🙂
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December 9, 2017 at 6:19 am
Thank you, Jim! 🙂
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December 8, 2017 at 11:12 pm
This is amazing, deep emotions that tug …the numbness that we wear in order to smile …not even aware of the pain because of the practiced smile … it is more liberating to not smile and experience all that there is.
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December 9, 2017 at 6:23 am
True. Thank you! “the numbness that we wear in order to smile” ……so simple, deep and true.
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December 11, 2017 at 9:29 pm
Always a pleasure to indulge in your poetry 🙂
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December 11, 2017 at 9:37 pm
🙂
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December 9, 2017 at 12:03 am
My heart was broken last year, July 11, 2016. I am just now getting my feet back under me to be able to walk less fragile again. But some days I still walk very carefully. Like I’ll break if I don’t.
Thank you for posting and writing this, and helping me know I”m not by myself in that kind of pain.
And I”m sorry if you are still currently in that place. But there’s nothing to do but walk through it. Fuck other people though. Don’t smile unless and until you want to!
This:
“It’s as if the air around you turns dense and heavy
Too heavy to carry, It starts to bend you, exhaust you,
But it’s not all in the air, you feel it in your body
There vacuum in your gut, in your chest
Trying to swallow you inside out,
It hurts physically, at the back of you eyes
In your throat, in your chest
And somewhere else
Somewhere inside you
Or maybe outside you
But the pain is so real
Yet you can’t point to a part of your body
And say “There, that’s where it hurts.“”
is what reminds me of how i feel so fragile I can barely walk sometimes. You described it exactly right. For a long time my solar plexus chakra specifically hurt. I did balancing and healing work on it, and it sorted itself out, but the pain moved up to my heart chakra. Which I figured was good, it meant I was processing. So at the moment – I do healing and balancing guided meditations for that. Nothing else to do but keep walking.
And sometimes like today, I can feel a column of fire building inside me and I feel like I could just turn and roar it at the person who hurt me. And destroy him. I’m still so angry.
A year from today, I”ll feel even better. Hopefully you will too. (if this poem is written about current events)
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December 9, 2017 at 6:38 am
Thank you so much, reading this feedback makes me feel content to have written it.
Luckily and believe me it’s only luck that currently I am not in that place but I know what that’s like.
I have also tried guided meditations. Nothing else to do but keep walking..So true.
Writing and traveling helps me, both are a form of meditation for me. What also helps me is picking up a personal or professional or a social project that is a little difficult yet good for me, it keeps me busy, driven and completion of the project brings a sense of accomplishment and strength and while I am not looking the wound starts to heal.
We are all diffrent and what works for me might not work for you but I just wanted to share it just in case it might.
Sending you love and strength,
N
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December 9, 2017 at 12:44 pm
Deep thoughts which I think most of us can relate to and I know that I certainly do with things going on in my life right now.
One question – did you mean ‘brake’ or ‘break’ at the end there?
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December 9, 2017 at 6:42 pm
Whatever it is that is going on in your life, I hope it works out for the best and I hope you find joy soon. 🙂
Break…Thanks. 😀
Sending you love and strength.
N
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December 10, 2017 at 12:06 pm
You too, and thank you x
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December 17, 2017 at 10:13 pm
Wow amazing post 🙂
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December 23, 2017 at 10:29 pm
Thank you so much! 🙂
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