After studying the work of many experts this is what I understand, If you can’t control your emotional state then there’s a good chance you are addicted to it.
Emotional addiction works exactly like any substance addiction. It starts with a rewarding stimulus. Initially, in a difficult situation, you cried or got stressed or felt sad, either someone comforted you or you just felt a rush. Sadness is an easily accessible strong emotion compared to a positive strong emotion like intense Joy, exhilaration or a strong dose of happiness. It’s as if for us humans, feeling something strong is always better than feeling nothing or feeling something average.
Then suddenly you find yourself in an environment which promotes the use, in this case, a certain feeling. Like failure, heartbreak or accidental loss promote sadness and stress, insecurity, pain, suffering, fear etc to an extent that it starts to become a habit. You are again offered comfort by others or you again experienced the rush. A strong bad emotion is almost like a high that always gives you a bad hangover, yet you dink up that emotion that tastes like shit because of the rush, the danger, the feeling of coming out of it is really Something.
But Slowly and eventually it takes more sadness to get the same high or even same comfort from others. Like alcoholics eventually need more and more alcohol to feel the same buzz. And Surprise! You are addicted. Much like alcohol, an emotional state like sadness, suffering, insecurity, fear, self-pity or loneliness also becomes a habit and then an addiction that you can’t control.
There is a brilliant documentary “What the bleep do we know” that talks about this and few more such concepts and the science behind them. It talks about how neuroscience has proved that when we feel a certain way for a long time our neurons from a set pattern associating more things to that bad memory. The more things you connect to that pattern the more things will trigger sadness in you, making it more difficult for you to get out of that sate. It also talks about how our cells which are the most basic level of consciousness of our body, become more receptive to those emotions and less receptive to others, conditioning us to feel that way easily, frequently and compulsively. That’s why even at a good job you eventually feel bad or feel insecure even in a good relationship. Sometimes you even long for the drama or as poets call it the depth that comes with pain and loneliness. You get addicted to a certain feeling so much that you accept it as a personality trait, or when you are in denial you tell yourself it’s your out of hand circumstances.
And much like any other addiction emotional addiction if not checked slowly ruins every aspect of your life, your career, your relationships with friends and family, your health, all of it.
The good news is that cells can be reconditioned and the set neuron patterns can be broken over time and just like any other addiction. All you have to do is say no when you feel the urge. Since we are talking about emotional addiction it’s slightly more difficult because the substance of your addiction is readily and abundantly available. It’s like being an alcoholic bartender. So how do you do it? The answer is strict self-control. Be conscious of your thought and feelings. Every time you feel bad about something, observe it then fix it or let it go. Constantly shift your focus on good things in life. Sometimes just watch a happy movie, talk to a friend who makes you laugh, go dancing, watch motivating videos, whatever works for you. The idea is to interrupt the addictive negative feelings with positive thoughts constantly and repetitively. At first it will be difficult to feel good when you are convinced situation is bad, but eventually, it gets easier and easier and after a while, you form a new, healthier habit. It really helps if you find a friend to do this with.
The key is knowing that your circumstances or your feelings don’t control your life, you have always had the controls. You just need to take charge.
I think I have also been one of those people who got addicted to bad emotions along the way. There was a time when I used to be so happy and there was a time not too long ago when I told someone “what’s the point of being so happy anyway, happiness feels shallow, there is depth in pain”. I thought it was poetic but now when I look around I see how many good things in life I was on the verge of ruining with the constant worry, fear, pain and overthinking that had become an addiction I suppose. No more. I am ready to take back control, I am ready to be happy.
Are you?
Love,
N
Photographer Unknown
© Copyright 2017, Niharika Jaiswal
April 18, 2018 at 11:23 am
This is deep!
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April 18, 2018 at 11:48 am
Thanks for reading Abheek. 🙂
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April 18, 2018 at 11:26 am
Inspiring ♥
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April 18, 2018 at 11:48 am
I am glad it inspired you. 🙂
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April 18, 2018 at 11:45 am
Our mind is so powerful! Thinking the “right” thoughts takes training. And determination but hopefully it becomes a good habit.
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April 18, 2018 at 11:50 am
So true. Amen! 🙂
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April 18, 2018 at 12:48 pm
Very informative Niharika. Clearly I am addicted. Thank you for showing the courage and deciding to stay on course with happiness. And I am happy to follow
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April 18, 2018 at 8:16 pm
Wish you the best for it. 🙂
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April 19, 2018 at 12:44 am
Thank you Niharika. Perhaps I have displayed the addition getting control of me
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April 19, 2018 at 10:24 am
🙂
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April 18, 2018 at 12:51 pm
I have told so many people these things but they don’t get it. I guess this advice works only when it hits you on its own. Lol.
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April 18, 2018 at 8:18 pm
Maybe.. but if we don’t put it out there then how will it every hit someone at the right time.
I say if you have something to share you share it, when people are ready to recieve it they will. 🙂
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April 18, 2018 at 1:57 pm
A very enlightening post. There is nothing like ones own experience, written as you have wonderfully done, to give hope to others in the same situation. This is truly going to be beneficial to all read it. Thank you for sharing this.🌺🌹❤️
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April 18, 2018 at 8:20 pm
Thank you Mr. Mel, your support means so much to me. 🙂
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April 19, 2018 at 8:09 am
Wishing you only happiness Niharika. X
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April 19, 2018 at 10:25 am
Thank you so much!! I am very happy today…have been happy for sometime now….I feel like I might just be starting to get trick. 😉
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April 19, 2018 at 11:55 am
❤️
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April 19, 2018 at 10:13 am
Empowering post that conveys beauty and effort to detoxify from negative feelings or illusion that can afflict us, Niharika. We have every right to be happy and shift gear from the bad to positive. Overthinking can be a complexed layer of emotions, agree and do face negative images from time to time, completely a figment of imagination.
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April 19, 2018 at 10:26 am
That is really true. This whole idea has prooved to be very empowering for me and so I wanted to share this with the world. 🙂
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April 19, 2018 at 8:28 pm
This is a tremendously powerful realization to come to. It is possible to change our entire personality because we are aware of these addictions and patterns …and so consciously we change them.
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April 19, 2018 at 9:58 pm
I couldn’t agree more! 🙂
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May 3, 2018 at 2:41 pm
https://addictedfitnessblog.wordpress.com/
Started writing about addiction
Hope you like it
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May 23, 2018 at 6:56 pm
I will check it out!
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May 23, 2018 at 6:58 pm
😃😃
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June 12, 2018 at 5:35 pm
wow, this post really struck a chord with me. I decided after losing my mum to addiction it was time to finally be brave enough to write about my experience in the hopes that it raises awareness.
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July 3, 2018 at 4:44 pm
That’s so beutiful…chaneling your pain into reducing suffering from the world. 🙂
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